Ode to a Dungeoneer
by Avathar Valcana

Here is a humorous little piece I wrote in honour of a particularly bad run of luck my party experienced during one fateful gaming session:

Into dungeons dark and deep,
Where I am afraid to sleep,
I'm sitting here for my resting time,
Though it could be trapped or green slime;

Every door I open creaks,
Lord, this place gives me the creeps,
How much deeper does it lead,
I'm low on oil and dragon feed;

The last chest tried to eat Ted,
Scratched a wall and it bled,
Lou found a wand to throw spells,
But it finds only wishing wells;

Two orcs speared old brother Bob,
In a duel with an angry mob,
A golden idol found Max,
And claimed he was it's back tax;

A scroll turned John to water,
We canteened him for his daughter,
Lisa turned two vampire bats,
But married a blonde were-rat;

Dave went up to scout the hall,
Found his head pinned to the wall,
Tom fell into a ten foot pit,
And disturbed a psycho lich;

Lost the thief to five trolls,
When he wouldn't pay their tolls,
A rust monster munched our gold,
Should've had our fortunes told;

I'm the last in this death trap,
Broke my sword and lost the map,
So, if caving you 'er go,
Grab a sword or two that glow;

Stock up for your dungeon trip,
With food, bags and a vicious whip,
To be sure you can stay,
Alive and well for more than one day.